HAS TO STOP HERE

Putting things behind you like love is something that could be easy or difficult and for me it’s in-between. I am dealing with things pretty well. Yesterday I cleaned my room and removed all things that reminded me of my ex friend and placed it in a storage tote. I said goodbye to my eeyore   that I used to sleep with every night. I finally take his picture of him and his nephew and put it away with everything else that I stored away. It’s time for me to move on and stop thinking about how he is doing. I am sure he is already over thinking about me. If he tells me that I better not stalk him then he has moved on. It’s not like I wanted to stalk him. But I would like once in a while to know how he is doing… for what reason? I just am closing some loose ends with my feelings. He said when we were saying our goodbyes that they’re no hard feelings, but it seems like that not true or he would not be acting the way he has been. Looking at our relationship I tried at the beginning more then he ever did. Then at the end he said he was trying more then me… which was true, because I was tired of put time and energy for it to be one-sided. He was ALWAYS right and that is it. ONLY thing you have to do ask people that he has chatted with online and they will tell you the same or hell his friends. I though he was just that way with me, but that was not true. Navi was just that way. He said that he was an open book but at the same time wasn’t? I should have realized that what he wanted and I wanted would had made the relationship to end the way it did. I was falling for him and he was my first love and that all that matter and I was willing to fight for it. Then after awhile of not really feeling loved then I was just like okay and that was it. I just was there to be there. I was still in love with him but just there you could say for when he wanted me to be there. When he would play on the computer and let me just watch T.V. that was rude. He said that he didn’t have to talk or see me the whole time I was up there. I didn’t want that. Why couldn’t we watch a movie together more or did things? Because the computer chatting and games seriously took up a lot of his time along with work. I just hope that things will change and he will do some growing as I am doing some maturing myself. This will be the last time I speak of Navi because it seriously has to end and the feelings I will deal with in time.

This entry was just to get all that out. I just needed to release it and let go since I have made the move to move on like he already has.

- Without suffering, there would be no compassion..